Fragmented thoughts of a fragmented mind

08 Nov 2015

great to be back

It is that time of the week again. I have faithfully kept to writing at least one post a week for almost two years now and it has been one of the best things I have ever done for myself. It is also one of those weeks which I’m having such complex thoughts that I don’t even know where should I start.

It is great to be back.

For people who have known me for years, having such a statement from me represents a complete turnaround from the person I was. Even with my deepest cynicism, if this statement only stays true temporarily, it would still have been a radical position for me to take.

The past few years have taught me to never say never. Things I had never imagined have happened, positions I thought I would never take have been taken. I met up with a dear friend of mine this past week, and he remarked that we seemed to have swopped positions. I am brimming with a ton of hope and optimism, and it is not backed by naive idealism, but it comes with a sort of cautious pragmatism, only because I have witnessed enough promise. Not for myself particularly, but for this little country.

I only managed to have a moment right now to catch a proper breath since I was back from Bali, not in a stressed out anxious way, but because I was keen to be acquainted with my past, present and future here. It was deeply comforting to be with people I knew, and hugely inspiring to discover people I don’t. I was never a person to deliberately seek out people, but there’s just so many amazing things going on that it would have been impossible to keep a lid on my curiosity.

My emotions have been the most stable for as long as I can remember in the past year. It is slightly ironic that I had so much catharsis writing a post on my emotional intensity that it released a lot of the anxiety I have been feeling. It was as though I have finally given myself permission to experience the full range of my emotions, and with that, I have freed up psychic space in my mind to start thinking about what I actually want to do henceforth.

I have a lot cooking up in my mind, and I am really enthusiastic about starting to share them progressively. I don’t know what the future entails, but that is the beautiful part of it, isn’t it? There is so much space in the unknown, that it is worth letting go of what I used to know just to explore where this space can bring me, and what I can make out of it.

It is great to be back, not only to this little country, but perhaps what is more significant, is that I am back to the core of my self.

Subscribe to my tinyletter, or become my patreon.

comments powered by Disqus