Fragmented thoughts of a fragmented mind

16 Feb 2013

San Francisco, two months on

I am not sure whether writing monthly anniversary posts on moving to a new city is typical. I think this is a way to remind myself never ever to take my time here for granted. Time flies by so quickly, two months may seem really short for most people but for me, it means that’s already two months out of the 2yrs+ my paperwork is good for. That’s almost like 10% of the time I can hypothetically be here has passed me by.

In some ways I appreciate myself for being so mindful of the time that is passing by, because every single day I wake up in this city is precious. My boss asked me whether San Francisco has met my expectations since I am no longer just a tourist or a passerby and I tell her it has exceeded mine.

I don’t really expect people to understand my bond to this city, the depth of my feelings for it cannot be adequately described in words. People may misunderstand I am hyping this place way more than it should be, but I love this city precisely because I know it is imperfect and yet still beautiful, to me.

To people this may be the tech mecca, gay heaven or hippie land, but for me it is where I have found life and found myself. I don’t know how to accurately describe how it feels like to feel dead for three decades of your life and then be given the gift of what it truly means to be alive.

I have never forgotten how I felt when I first took the BART out of SFO in July 2011 and saw the vast blue skies of San Francisco. It is here where I realised the immense potential of humanity and within, the human in me.

It has been two months since I’ve moved, and till today I still wake up and wonder to myself in amazement, “Am I really here?” It still seems so surreal.

It is a lifetime’s blessing to be able to live in a city you love beyond words. I pass by the same Victorian buildings on my commute between home and the office twice a day, each time I still feel a sense of awe and immense appreciation for the preserved architecture. I still grin widely when I am on any public transport with a enthusiastic, friendly driver. I still feel grateful when cars stop patiently and drivers smile for me to cross the roads, even when it is not in my favour.

I love being here and I am extremely grateful to be here. Come what may, I will still choose to live in every precious moment which can be gifted to me. I’ll never want to feel a sense of entitlement and I will constantly remind myself that it is a privilege to be here. That is why it is so important to me that not a day goes by like a blink, every day is a conscious, concerted effort of living and being alive, for me.

San Francisco, I knew I would always love you the moment I set my eyes on you.

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