Fragmented thoughts of a fragmented mind

20 Jan 2013

you.

For no one, someone & everyone in particular:

You. Our eyes first met in a vortex where the past, present and future intersect. You. Made me remember my past, inspire my future and embrace the present. You. For me the stars, the moon, songs, doors, windows, tiles, pizzas will never be the same again. You. Whom I want to share my moments of joy, discovery and vulnerability with. You. I imagine your shadow with me as I walk down the streets taking in all the sights I imagine would delight. You. I never really knew and will never know but somehow stubbornly stayed on as part of my psyche.

But you. Can only stay on as part of me and not with me. Because you. As you I loved and I would preserve, but as Us it wouldn’t be you nor would I be. Me. Briefly touching purity and not bearing the thought of tainting.

You. Could exist in a world where it is simple. With just me and you. Where there is no carrying of weight and the taunting of destiny.

But I. Can only strive to be the person you may love and be proud of. And that I. Cannot be that person that belongs to an Us. For I. Only know love in its all-consuming form. That I. The person who would do anything for love, would become a person ironically less deserving of your pride.

For you. I would stay a thousand miles away. Figuratively and physically. Because for you. The best way to love you, is to fulfill my own destiny. Even if that means.

We will never be. Us. There can never be.

Sidenote: I debated with myself whether I should publish writing like this piece here. I concluded that it is my journal (albeit a public one) with my writing and so here it is. Writing is my first love before I discovered anything else and writing these pieces put me in touch with my roots again. I was conscious people judging my writing but again, I would rather publish bad writing and try to be as authentic as possible than to be paralysed and not put a single word out.

This post is partially inspired by Hello, Stranger, Goodbye. & obviously real-life influences.

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